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Get Michael Burke a Down Down Prices Are Down Guitar in 2017

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I have had a long running arguments with Coles in relation to the provision of a Down Down Prices Are Down guitar. Below is correspondence I sent to Coles on 9 April 2014 after they promised to send me such a guitar, then in fact sent me 2 guitar shaped cut outs as a funny gag. I have never let go of this betrayal.

At 12:24pm on 1 April 2014 Coles stated:

"Thanks, Michael. We’ll pop it in the post for you shortly! �"

No guitar was ever received. It was all, a trick.

My spirit to this has never dwindled, but I demand this quest be finally complete in 2017



  1. 1 April 2014 - Michael Burke requests Down Down Prices Are Down Guitar
  2. 1 April 2014 - Coles respond positively that they will send a Down Down Prices Are down Guitar (post noon)
  3. 7 April 2014 - Michael Burke receives a Down Down Prices Are Down Guitar CUTOUT x2
  4. not
  5. happy
  6. jan!

Dear Coles,

Attn: Rob Lugton

I refer to previous correspondence with specific reference to:

1. Facebook post Michael Burke 01.04.2014 and associated Coles response;
2. Facebook message service Coles and Michael Burke 01.04.2014; and
3. Many other requests of various dates for about 12 months or so (quite a while, I haven’t been keeping track in a file so I don’t know the exact dates)

The matter pertains to a ‘Down Down Prices are Down Guitar” as featured on the Coles advertisements played by the hit band ‘Status Quo’ and other ancillary paid actors, or as Mr Lugton refers to them as a “Coles Down Down Guitar’. For ease I will refer to the item simply as DDPADG.
On 1 April 2014 the writer posted a furtherance to previous request(s) for a DDPADG. This was in the spirit of an ‘April Fools’ gag using reverse psychology.

These guitars were for the purpose of playing in a hit band and having a good time around campfires and playing Glycerine by Bush.
At 12.11pm 01.04.2014 Coles responded in a two prong response
1. That there were no DDPADG available; and
2. That the previous statement was an ‘April fools’, and a proper DDPADG would be provided forthwith. Promise.

Accordingly, Mr Burke provided Coles with a postal address for the delivery of the promised DDPADG, in accordance with Coles request.
The current rules for April Fools are as follows:

Thus readeth the rules,
a. if one person is to fool another that fool must be completed prior to the hour of noon, otherwise the fooler indeed becomes the fool; and
b. Accordingly if one does in fact fool another, they must pronounce this fooling with a declaration of ‘April Fools’ within a reasonable time period from the fooling.
On 7 April 2014 Mr Burke, the writer, received via post a small package containing 2 miniature promotional cutouts of DDPAD guitars.

The complaint is as follows:
1. If Coles were indeed attempting to fool the writer they did so after the hour of noon, thus negating the fool, owing an obligation to provide a full DDPADG; or
2. In the event that Coles were found to be fooling the writer, then they did not adequately pronounce the fool, thus negating the fool, owing an obligation to provide a full DDPADG.

The usual definition of a DDPADG is as follows, one of those cool guitars that are on the Down Down Prices are Down Coles advertisements that are played by people in a rock n roll fashion that work as a guitar and are cool and Michael Burke wants one.

The writer requests, within 7 days of receipt of this letter
1. DDPADG by way of compensation; and
2. 75 additional DDPADG’s by way of interest and personal emotional injury compensation.

Pretty please.
Thanks, I hope you have a nice day.
Kind regards,
Michael Burke

p.s. happy 100th birthday, can I come to your party? I wasn’t invited but I am sure that was in error in the post or something. Domain Furniture once invited me to a party but it turned out ot be a trick ot sell big chairs.
p.p.s. the interest and stuff is just a negotiation trick I read about in a book so you can get what you want. But if you have any extras I will take up to 2 as interest and pain and suffering. I don’t have space in my apartment for 75. That would be crazy!
p.p.p.s (handshake)

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