The Heineken Alpine X1 team in Acies has been around for a lot of seasons now. They are currently one of the veteran teams on the league. The team originally started out as a X2 sister team of Keep Fighting Ferrari. Heineken has since moved up to X1, after winning both the constructors title and driver’s title in Season 8 X2. Team Principal Dan was delighted by the good results of Season 8 and announced 2 weeks of non-stop partying on the most luxurious boats that Earth has to offer. The boat trip strengthened the team’s morale and was therefore an immense success.

After the promotion, team principal Dan decided to buy out the existing Alpine X1 team of Thomasdude (who some know as DCRS Thomas) to provide Heineken with up-to-date technologies to help them in their X1 campaign for season 10 (yeah don’t ask, X1 and X2 are one season apart). However, as soon as the transaction was completed, the team found out that Thomasdude had moved all assets to his Floaty Boaty McLaren team. This left Heineken Alpine with an exceedingly difficult preparation ahead of the season, as they needed to build the team back up from scratch.

These uncalculated costs really affected Heineken Alpine. Mostly that due to all the partying, it appeared that there was no budget left to invest in the strength of the cars. The team had to resort to drastic measures such as making the suspension out of glue that was lying around the factory and using cardboard front wings. As may be expected, this sub-optimal use of materials caused many retirements. For example, here in this clip you can see the glue-suspension in action against a decently-built Greggs Williams: https://gamerdvr.com/gamer/thetorterra/video/147849566

So, we turn to you supporters of the Heineken X1 team. With your help, we can get decent materials for our future Acies races. Join our battle to remain in X1 by signing this petition! We can all make this happen! SO SIGN!

Thank you for your time. And don’t forget to spam Supreme Leader KMK and Big Pappa Pogg with demands to grant Brett permission to use the press-channel-Aciesnews again. In trying times like these we should all be rewarded with peak quality Brett-content.