Ban Tanner Golden from Guadalupe Street
This petition made change with 1,872 supporters!
Please take a moment to read the link directly below. It is a petition started by a concerned Austin citizen and the inspiration for my own petition:
Recently Tanner Golden has been forced into a situation that we all fear; co-habitation with people that don't even bother to live in a home like us normal folks. Tanner Golden should not wonder whether he can make it from point A to B without seeing someone who couldn't maintain their mortgage payments. They are homeless, by definition they should be able to get out of Tanner's bubble of privilege! The Golden child of Austin is being assaulted by the sight and sounds of homeless individuals trying to get by on Guadalupe Street. While not every Tanner Golden is seen as a victim, this petition is aimed at helping create a safe space for this white guy. The easiest solution would of course be to simply relocate the homeless population somewhere else. Unfortunately, idiotic ideas about treating everyone equally and helping out those in need are getting in the way of Tanner’s goal to shuttle the less fortunate out of his life. That’s why I want to ban Tanner Golden from Guadalupe forever. This may seem like an attack on Tanner, but I assure you it is not. The homeless population is simply not going to move out of that area and Tanner can NOT be expected to resist the attractions on Guadalupe. So for his own good I would like to legally prevent him from ever setting foot on Guadalupe again. This way he does not have to be traumatized by a homeless veteran trying to get food.
I mean, sometimes there is a homeless person trying to get some rest on an uncomfortable slab of concrete while Tanner is enjoying a burrito at Chipotle. He shouldn’t have to look at her, but this is the world we live in. We should ban Tanner Golden.
The other day someone was asking for change near Jamba Juice. That homeless jerk might save up enough money after a few hours to buy lunch. I'm guessing it takes Tanner Golden 18 minutes to finish his large ‘Veggie Vitale’ and he has to see that person for the entire time if he chooses to look at them. It’s not fair to Tanner Golden. We should ban Tanner Golden.
Let’s be honest, sometimes you’ll see someone talking to themselves outside of Potbelly’s. THAT IS PROBABLY TANNER’S FAVORITE PLACE. I bet he LOVES those hot peppers! Maybe he hates her schizoaffective disorder! Let’s ban Tanner Golden.
NO MAN should be so compelled by the allure of chain restaurants that he has to witness what happens when your life isn’t a linear story like Tanner Golden’s. Let’s all pitch in and help him out. Let’s ban Tanner Golden from Guadalupe.
Please spread the word to all those who want to help Tanner Golden avoid Guadalupe forever.
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Will Dwyer needs your help with “City of Austin: Ban Tanner Golden from Guadalupe Street”. Join Will and 1,871 supporters today.