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Petitioning Cilantro

Stop being produced, grown, distributed, and eaten

Cilantro (or "The Devil's Weed," as ancient Serbians used to call it) is an evil villain. Its vile taste and repugnant look make it a contemptuous, deplorable disgrace to the plant kingdom and the planet. And also the universe. Putting cilantro on food and then serving it to someone constitutes torture, and any chefs or laypersons that use this disdainful crop should be hanged, drawn, and quartered, as it is essentially treason. While it is true that some individuals have, through an evolutionary mistake, come to believe that they "like" or "enjoy" the taste of cilantro, all self-respecting scientists and philosophers know this is nothing more than an illusion - a way for fascistic sadomasochists to corrupt our civilization and destroy the very fibers of free society.

Additionally, a recent study at the University of Kansas has shown that cilantro can be directly linked to several types of cancers, including prostate, breast, and colon, eye disease, type I and II diabetes, autism, birth defects, malformed limbs, pregnancy complications, emotional stress, and death. Please sign this petition; please help to save a life and please support my humble fight against this ultimate evil, this ultimate wickedness, and this disgusting travesty to the culinary world. Thank you.

Letter to
Stop being produced, grown, distributed, and eaten