Lobby for a Hyperloop Network between UCD and Coppers
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We, a group of energetic, ambitious and sesh hungry students of University College Dublin hereby call upon our Students Union to lobby strongly the government, City Council and SpaceX for the construction of an underground Hyperloop network between UCD and Harcourt Street.
The Hyperloop network, which we propose to name Hyper McLoopy, will provide easy access for students from UCD to the various sesh havens on Harcourt street on nights out to enhance the student experience (aka sesh). At present, there is no direct bus route and it takes feckin ages to reach Coppers or DTwo on a nightout after pre drinks in Belgrove, enough time for the place to be infested by them smelly boyiz from DIT and Trinity and the 12 year olds from Smithfield with fake ID's making it impossible to get free entry. This is a major problem faced by the student population since sesh is probably the only thing which keeps us going in the big shmoke. This project shall also serve the purpose of scientific research as the Engineering and Science boyiz and gals can study the effects of being projected at near supersonic speeds (1200 km/hr) on the human body while the rest of yous can just go "weeeeeeee" and enjoy the ride.
Once completed, travel time to Harcourt street will be reduced to just 17.4 seconds (250 times faster than the existing Dublin bus) giving just enough time to down 2 pints of Fosters or sort out the maskcara. This service will also run through the night ensuring that students can get back to UCD safely even at 4:00 am without having to share a cab with other drunk people and also allow students to reach city center on Fridays ensuring they can get to Heuston in no time to go home for the weekend and also link with the Luas and DART. The proposed network shall also pass through Rathmines and Rathfranham (with a stop in Rathmines) for the benefit of students who are deprived by the erratic 17 bus. It should also provide easy access to Trinity college should we require to mobilize forces into College Green in the event of unprovoked aggression from Trinity. It will also be operated using renewable energy and be more environment friendly than the Dublin bus.
We estimate the cost of a round trip on the Hyperloop to be just 3.50 and students can swipe their leap card like usual for cheaper fares. We propose that the project will be funded partially (10%) from the residence fines and repeat fees along with sponsorship from large some audit firms in Harcourt street (20%) , Librocop's cryptocurrency investment gainz (20%) and the rest will be an anonymous philanthropic donation. There is already existing infrastructure in place in UCD and the secret tunnels under Newman can serve as a starting point in UCD and since most of our network will be underground, there will not be any major effect on existing infrastructure. This will be ideal for students who wish to finish their pre-drinks at Belgrove or Ashfield and also allow for late night study in the Library followed by Coppers.
As a part of our strategy to get Elon Musk (aka Musky boyy) to agree to test his prototype in South Dublin, we propose that the Students Union seduce (bribe) him with 1,500 Insomnia coffee vouchers, the Coppers Gold Card from SHAG week, the original Wingin It handbook, the James Joyce Award and also premium access to the Rodeo penis at next years SHAG week which should be tempting enough.
Since the Students Union claims to be Our Voice and so far they have been working on boring stuff (like RAG week, Repeat fees etc. *yawn*) , we hereby propose to call a referendum on this major student issue in March and hope that you will support the cause. Sign the petition with your name and student number as well as school (don't forget the school) and we are looking for around 1200 signatures to call a referendum in March.
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