Prove how system is and get my babies back

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Im fighting to get my kids back please read..

Okay here goes my story my name is Vanessa I am 29 years old and I am a mother of 4 at the age of 19 I married the father of my children and now my ex-husband my ex-husband was very abusive and first started after we married he was verbally abusive it started getting physically abusive when I had our daughter it was abuse on every level physical emotional verbal psychological mental every abuse you can think of I endured he would hit me in front of our children he would choke me slap me kick me spit on me at one time well a couple of times poured urine on me he threatened my life everyday especially when I said that I will leave him I endured his physical and every ounce of his abuse for 9 years he then started to hit our boys he never put his hands on our girls my oldest son was not biologically his but he knew that when we married for I was pregnant when we did I was young and dumb and he accepted him and said that he would raise the baby as his own my son do not know his father the only father he knew was my husband he was there since my son was in my womb and at Birth. He was physical to the boys and myself it was a lot of pinching and public he would verbally abusing physically he will pinch me away from the Public's eyes. My oldest son has ADHD so of course his behavior was out of control you know as far as following rules so he will get in trouble a lot to me it's something that was out of my sons control my ex-husband always pinched my oldest son he then started going to be on the pinching and a couple of times he had socked him in his stomach or his back or slapped them in his face as a mother did not just sit there and watch as if it was a show I would attack my husband by ex-husband by jumping on him and of course that will pull him away from my children and he was sit there and beat me until I was unconscious every time due to the fact because I have heart problems so every time he would beat me I was blackout he done so many things to me he's broken glass on my face held a knife to me slash me with a screwdriver and tweezers and someone but his abuse of ways turn to my children and he told me if you ever leave me or try to escape or tell anyone of the abuse I promise you before the cops ever arrived you will be dead I will make sure I call when I am done I will kill the kids in front of you and then I will kill you and then I will kill myself those were his words and so my son went to school with bruises on his legs from Pinch marks CPS got involved and removed all of my children out of my custody my CPS case began in March of 2016 my babies ages four 7 8 & 9 we're all removed and we were doing CPS together as far as our classes and counseling and it was hard for me and still very hard for me I still do not have my kids I slept with my children's pillows and blankets and animals every night I got beat up for crying because he will tell me how it's okay the kids are going to come home it's been one year since I seen heard my kids because I lost my visitations with them because CPS said I fail to protect my children I even went to jail for my first time ever I never been in trouble with the law for 2 weeks for failure to protect bad enough they don't even see me as a victim in this whole ordeal my ex-husband was arrested June of 2016 because my children finally open to them the truth of the abuse on them as to me on what he did to me as well my children let the CPS and detective in the case no how their father was and knowing that their mother always help them I lost my visits because I fail to tell the truth but how could I if I still was living with the monster and still with the monster just one week before my ex-husband was arrested I told him that I was going to tell CPS because I need my babies he busted my head open with a battery charger but then he was arrested a week later in June and of course his family who knew of the abuse from day one because his mother was the one who covered all our bruises got him a lawyer of course with me signing and when I realized I he was not going to come out July of 2016 is when I finally told the truth to my family who never ever knew of the abuse only his family and I started to open up with my counselor and the CPS but according to CPS I still feel as a parent now they are trying to make me sign my rights over and put my children up for adoption knowing that the social worker sends me pictures of my kids and tells me that my kids miss me very much I have all the court papers from CPS saying my children stating we want to go home with Mom Mom is a good mom mom never hit us dad hit mom dad is a monster but still the system failed to see what my children are doing In wanting to come home with Mommy they just see that I failed to reach out for help and I didn't let anyone know that my ex-husband was a very bad abuser yes I did work but I work as a caregiver for his father so I really couldn't even reach out for help through my work. now I am fighting the Battle of my life to give my children I referred many family members and all the system does is deny them for stupid and many reasons not my mom can even get them because they said that my mom knew of the abuse because the worker goes visits my ex-husband in jail she visits the abuser and believes everything he and his family who knew of the abuse says I am fighting to get my children back I lost everything because of his abuse I lost my house and the cars I work hard for but couldn't put it under my name because he force me to put it under his father's name his father his family took away the cars they don't even acknowledge me and try to help me to get my kids back they said that the abuse was never true now I feel like a failure and that my ex is right I am worthless because how did I stay why did I stay why couldn't I just tell someone I always ask myself this day and night because it kills me not to have my children I do not know what to do or who to reach out for I need of supporting that will help me because I know there is many women in my situation with kids or with my kids who do not reach out for help I always thought my way out was going to be a body bag there was times when he would beat me and I would tell him just kill me already and take me out of my misery but then I will fight it because I remember I have my kids and to leave them alone with this monster is something I never wanted to do but now everything is going bad for me I have many court battles and I am even and criminal court with four counts of child abuse on me because I fail to reach out for help knowing I was a victim myself please anyone reading my story if you can help me my case is out in San Bernardino County I am currently in counseling as well and was diagnosed with PTSD all I want is my children back why can't the system see you as a victim of abuse it's not easy to get away when you are in a abusive relationship you feel alone trap like a prisoner in your own home you lose yourself you just don't know what to do I honestly believe I would have been dead a long time ago but my children kept me on going on all I want to do is fight to get my children back I want the system to understand it's not easy as a woman or anyone when you are in a abusive relationship to escape or to reach out I was scared from his words and knowing that he will really harm my children and I if I reached out for help and now not doing so they are trying to make me sign a rights

# my children and I have scars that will never heal and those are our mental scars remembering everything he has done and said too with the physical scars have healed but physically I have many dislocated disc in my back I have fractured eyebrow bone from the glass guy he broke on my face and my arms are all messed up from all the twisting

I even have a restraining order against my ex husband for 10 years yes he is in jail but I don't know how long he is fighting his case from jail I divorced him I am even trying to get restraining orders on his family I am even working with the da to testify against them knowing that's not very easy from the victim to her abuser but anything for my babies



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