St. Olaf College: Rename "Java Yah! Yah!" via a Free and Fair Election

Rename "Java Yah! Yah!" via a Free and Fair Election

Greetings,

I just signed the following petition addressed to: St. Olaf College.

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Rename "Java Yah! Yah!" via a Free and Fair Election

There is a stench in the air and it is of poorly named coffee.

We are speaking of course of the undemocratic selection of "Java Yah! Yah!" for The Cage's new coffee blend.

Let us begin with a question: How do you even say that? The syllables are broken and wrong, a pale imitation of our cheery fight song. A more likely candidate to emulate the three syllables and rhythm of Um Yah Yah would be the humble "Brew Yah Yah" which also does not offend the sensibilities with unnecessary exclamation points. To even attempt an utterance of "Java Yah! Yah!" clouds the mind and harms the soul. Imagine the terror each customer must undergo while ordering the new beverage.

Furthermore, "Java Yah! Yah!" sounds like a bad Computer Science seminar. Nobody says "Java" anymore. It's a true fact. Verifiable. They just don't. It's empirically proven: While the word "Java" had a brief spike in the 1940's to refer to our favorite black caffeinated beverage, its most recent use refers to the programming language, and even that is on the sharp decline.

We do not believe that "Java Yah! Yah!" was the best name this campus had to offer. We put forward that the new name be selected by a free and fair election from among a top selection of submitted names.

If our taste can be trusted to choose the new blend, our taste can be trusted to choose the new name.

Let's put it to a vote.
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Sincerely,

[Your name]