• Petitioned The Chicago Cubs

This petition was delivered to:

The Chicago Cubs

Refuse to indulge stupid fans.

    1. Petition by

      Tim Baffoe

This is important because stupid people suck.

If you are tired of Ronnie Woo Woo and the crumbling stadium and oversized novelty glasses and singing as the ship sinks and “We Got Wood” and putting stock in prospects who haven’t yet proven a damn thing and loving a brand instead of a team and a beer garden atmosphere full of frat boy self-retardation and chicks who only show up to games to advertise their boobs—wait, that last one is fine, sorry—taking precedent over winning baseball, if you want to associate yourself with a higher-thinking Cub fanbase, then sign my petition.

It needs to be known that there is a significant percentage of this fanbase that has championships as its sole desire and cares not for the superficialities with which the organization has become associated (deserved or not). The time for feel-good stories and folk heroes and futility and fustercluckery has come to an end. We believe that intelligent fans of a team care about winning. Period. And as intelligent fans we expect nothing less than an organization doing its very best to put the best product possible on the field now and concerning itself with songs and promotions and mascots way later (if at all).

We are tired of being considered the laughing stock of baseball, and we are especially finished with having supposed Cubs fans perpetuate stereotypes and fan the flames of mockery via their ignorance what is most important. We are critical-thinkers, and we are frustrated.

We are not loveable losers. We are irritable and wanting. We are not eternal optimists. We are pissed-off pragmatists.

We are real Cub fans, and we will not be content waiting ‘til next year.

Recent signatures


    1. Reached 100 signatures


    Reasons for signing

    • Connor Hartzog OSWEGO, IL
      • almost 2 years ago

      I went to a Cubs game once and had to listen to the woman in front of me discuss the merits of recycling for the entire length of the game. What in the actual hell? Let me watch the damn game

    • Michael Elrod MARSHALL, MI
      • about 2 years ago

      I agree with everything (including tha that the boobs are OK). I have been waiting for a Cubs winner since Rick Monday, Bill Madlock, and The IMMORTAL Larry Biitner

    • Barb Graham HOLLYWOOD, FL
      • about 2 years ago

      I've been a Cubs fan since 1965 & a season ticket holder since 1988. Come on, already!

    • John Tidd GRAND JUNCTION, MI
      • about 2 years ago

      Because stupid people reallt do suck!!

    • Chad Coffey CHICAGO, IL
      • about 2 years ago

      In my life, the Cubs rank just below my Faith and my Family. If that is corny or difficult for people to understand, well, to be honest, I understand them not understanding. But after being a Die-Hard Cubs Fan since age 7 (I'm 35 now) I'm never changing. I'm in this for life, and I am determined to see this through to the day where the Cubs win the World Series. And then there's this: after they win it once, I will get even more demanding, because I want to see them win 27 more world championships, and overtake the Yankees as the winningness franchise in sports history. And that's the God-honest truth. I love Wrigley Field, I love the atmosphere of games there, and I love the history of the Cubs. The difference between me and some fans is that without winning, those things mean nothing. I want to have all those things in addition to winning. And not just winning, but winning World Championships. Lots of them, for years to come. We've hit rock bottom this year, but I think this new regime is going to do it. And I'm on board. Win it all, guys! And if Greenberg earns his way back, great. But make him earn it.


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