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Anna McNeill
survivor of domestic violence, former special education teacher, a mom to an awesome daughter
Recent Activity
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Anna commented on the article |I'm so glad for you Shawna, give it some time, the counseling does hurt, but it doesnt hurt as badly as the abuse you withstood. Its the step in the right direction. Should you find yourself questioning anything the counselor tells you concerning abuse, find another one. DV should never be regarded as an act that can "improve or change," because it never does. Those in the 1 - 3% that do change, were not a sociopath or psychopath to begin with.
I know one of the hardest things for me to accept was that I was actually abused by someone I loved. Acceptance is sometimes the worst bitter pill to swallow.
Good luck, things do get better, one centimeter at a time, just keep moving forward and should you look back, dont kick yourself for it, you are a wonderful human being!
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Anna commented on the article |
Oceania, just wanted to make sure you knew I wasnt trying to step on your toes above, just wished to make a point known about how DV begins.
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Anna commented on the article |
One thing I would like to point out is that DV does begin with the destruction of your property, the abuser will break something in a rage and it lets you know whats going to happen to "you" should you make them mad. Just one of the many little things that DV begins with, its not like the abusers start right off being abusive.
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Anna commented on the article |
Hey, now, I havent gone anywhere , I deal with this each day and keep going forward, for some having to defend how they were victimized is in itself a revictimization. Its extremely difficult to get people to realize the entire picture when it comes to DV, excuses are made for the behavior and in a way I understand why excuses are made, its much easier to make that excuse than it is to accept that atrocities occur to any human being.
I chose the picture of myself that I did, not to gain sympathy, not for attention, but to put a face on the issue being discussed. I feel the issue should be represented by a face that that all DV survivors could relate to.
Anyhow, I'm not going anywhere
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Anna commented on the article |
Vikie, I know that you cant be fired for something like that. I have had classes similar for teaching behaviorally challenged students and your remark in no way is enough to fire you for. I'd say you have a discrimination case. I would bet you were fired for fear your ex husband would go to your workplace and cause trouble, still its not a legitimate reason to fire you whether you were under a trial period or not.
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Anna commented on the article |
Its past time these people got their homes back.
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Anna commented on the article |
Often times when the abusive parent gets custody of the children, the abuser doesnt show his true nature in public and when the abused cry out or call for help, they are seen as the loonie toons. A person with a sociopathic /psychopathic mental disorder can live a normal life in public, even a life that appears golden, but behind closed doors he changes and becomes, "Mr. Hyde." Only after several court appearances or the children's behavior shows obvious signs of abuse, will a judge then begin to possibly see the light of the matter. When the abuser becomes so enraged, he reveals his true personality in public. Still, most states in our country still believe that the abusive parent deserves access to his or her children should sole custody be given to the victim / survivor.
I would bet that in the countries shown in the graphic above, the children are awarded to the father regardless of the depravity of his abuse.
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Anna commented on the article |
Thank You for your prayers and interest, it is truly appreciated.
I do have PTSD, I do have a specialized DV counselor, and shelters are not all what they appear to be on the surface. Some are really good and helpful, some arent. Where I am, its not so good its run down and in a horrible part of town and my Dv therapist used to be on the board of directors and held therapy sessions there, and he even agreed that it was no place for me or my child. I am actually beyond needing a DV shelter anyhow and since a woman IDIOT and I lived near asked IDIOT to drive her to the shelter and drop her off there, it isnt a safe place for me anyhow. I plead with the woman to call a cab and of course she didnt. I do have several plans of action to keep myself safe upon IDIOTs' release though the actions wont help the PTSD over all. I am not incapacitated by my PTSD and have instead embraced it and will use it to stay alive. It would be nice to have a service dog watch my back when I am too tired to do so though. Its kind of like how I've seen male inmates behave in prison, you keep your back covered and scan the perimeter for threats, always assessing the movement and sounds and smells. I had rather live on alert though like this than I had live wondering if I will live through the next 24 hour period.
I've found a totally awesome group on Cafe Mom that supports moms who have been through or are currently involved in a DV situation.
In my opinion our country should change the populations views on DV and only focus on the victims and survivors and public education. People who are abusive are mentally deficit, sociopaths and psychopaths. Trying to send them to some program or what ever else to change them just isn't going to happen, their brains were altered by not being shown love the first three years of their lives, and that source can be found in the books written by Lundy Bancroft and in any psychological text.
Here's a question for everyone who thinks the abusers should be given help to change their behavior....
Is there a therapist, counselor, program, anything out there, to make 1, just 1, person with Downs Syndrome normal? or lets say return someone back to normal functioning level who has extreme Alzheimer's?
The false hope that abusers can change and no longer abuse is one in which actually KEEPS a person with their abuser! Thats why it takes 7 times on average for a woman to leave, she hears of hope in this program or that therapist or in AA, or NA or from a pastor or how someone changed while she's at the beauty shop getting her hair done, " So and so changed and never beat his wife again once he did _______." In all likelihood, the person still abuses but in other ways and behind closed doors. A sociopath can curtail their abusive behavior in front of others with whom they know wont allow it and they can do it for days, weeks, months or years if they must.
Enough for me tonight, take care!
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Anna commented on the article |
Yeah, I know what you mean, its difficult for me to live always looking over my shoulder, second thoughts over living too carefree by leaving the door open as I bring groceries into the house, things I just cant do. Cant come home after dark, fear of ordinary things others take for granted, always on guard just as if they ( the abuser ) was still in your life determining what you could or couldnt do. I have just a few more months of living less paranoid, he will be released March of 2010. I know I'll probably puke the morning of his release out of extreme anxiety. Stinks doesnt it?
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Anna commented on the article |
Thank You Amanda. This is a difficult topic, one thats constantly swept under the rug, even in my own family its not discussed. I didnt grow up in DV what so ever, though I grew up in a traditional subserviant home. DV can truly happen to anyone. My fears arent in posting my opinions or in what I endured, they lie instead on the release of my abuser from prison and how I will have to face him to get a restraining order that I know he will not follow. 70% of abusers with restraining orders of any kind, violate them. He must violate it 3 times before he is sent back to prison. My fear is surviving all three times. Many would say I should go into hiding but I cant. I have to take care of my Mother who cant leave her physicians. I cant leave a house for some apartment in another state or leave without a vehicle. I cant give up my social security number for a new one and lose my medicare.
